Pork Sword is D.C. Bound: Donate Now to See Pig Fly!

Hello friends, As we grow older, we start to see our daily responsibilities begin to overshadow the things we just LIKE to do. These things that we like give us peace in our lives; they make us feel whole, they make us feel ALIVE. They even make us feel productive – sometimes people don’t understand that. Like for instance, with me and my music, or my air guitar. When I book a sweet show for one of my bands, or when I am getting ready to compete in an air guitar competition, I feel like I am GETTING SHIT DONE. It’s an amazing sensation, and it’s one that pretty much anyone can relate to. Now, look at what I just said and you will see the position I am in. I like PLAYING MUSIC and PERFORMING AIR GUITAR, probably the two “professions” in the world that pay the LEAST out of anything else one could engage in. This is because they are also the most fun. Some say it’s kinda like the Rule of Eating: If it tastes awesome, it’s probably awful for you. But that’s not always true – bacon, as we all know, is insanely delicious, AND

a great source of protein! Air guitar is probably one of the most fun and enriching things a person can engage in. Out of all the activities I have participated in during my adult life – including all the jobs I have worked – I have never made so many best friends in one night as I have during every instance I have participated in a US Air Guitar competition. In Slapstick, one of my favorite novels, Kurt Vonnegut points out that everyone has an extended family – if you’re a writer, all other writers are your kin; same goes for other doctors if you’re a doctor, or other scientists if you’re a scientist. I don’t think this has ever been truer for any kind of person as it is for competitive air guitarists. It takes a certain kind of person to do this sort of thing, and I think EVERYONE is grateful for that. This is the main reason I am about to drop a mad amount of cash to do something that will

give me no monetary return whatsoever. It’s THAT important for me to see these people, to be among them, and to unleash my demons (my delicious, pork-filled demons) through the medium of competitive air guitar. Last-minute flights to D.C. (or ANYWHERE, for that matter) are pretty damn expensive, so I am asking anyone who has air guitar in their heart and/or soul to please send a donation of any size (EVERY little bit helps) the way of the Pork Sword. Here’s how the incentives break down: $5 – Personalized FB comment/thank you message $10 – Personalized autographed Pork Sword photo $20 – Personalized video of Pork Sword performing for you! $30 – A sampler of fine deli-select meats (chosen by Pork Sword) $50 – Original Pork Sword Pig Mask (ONE ONLY) $100 – Original Pork Sword performance robe [unwashed] (ONE ONLY) Just click on the link below to claim your special treats! Thanks in advance to everyone who donates. If you do, you won’t just be helping me – you’ll be aiding all of US Air Guitar in their continuing quest for world peace. Because, if everyone in the world plays an air guitar, no one will be able to hold a gun! Cheers, Cameron “Pork Sword” Hawk